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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Something On My Mind

Today , my second day of vacation, I spent cleaning, napping, and following up with friends who had and had not attended the party last Saturday. One particular friend was in the back of my mind , as she has been for quite some time. I attended high school with this person and we both lost my mother and her sister to cancer the same year. I always thought it was great that after all these years we found each other in Chicago of all places. Neither of us had changed much. I wouldn't say she was my best friend, but a close one. I always thought she was a bit too opinionated, which I noticed caused her to fall out with others. With her you couldn't agree agree to disagree, but I respected her intelligence. I thought her so called liberalism verged actually more to the right, but its a free country. Over the past year or so it became increasingly difficult to connect with her both in the time and friendship planes. Our lives had diverged,she with two kids, and me with my ' thing'.Little things she'd say would bother me, but I still considered her a friend,although at times misguided.She was who she was, as was I. She became increasingly vocal about her disapproval of how I lived my life, not that it was any business of hers. Regardless I called at times, and emailed, to no avail. The friendship was essentially over . When we did meet up once , due to mutual friends visit, we were mutually lukewarm. Nevertheless I decided to invite her to Saturdays party as one more try to bridge the gap. I know she saw the Evite, but she ignored it. Our mutual friend commented that she said 'we just weren't close anymore'. I've fallen out with other friends at times with similar strong personalities because I was true to myself and would not let them bully or influence me with their self righteous opinions. I was talking to another friend about how we always seem to give more in these one sided friendships, and in the end the they hurt and let down. Am I bothered? Yes. But I tried , and that's all one can do. Time to move on to the next phase of my life and surround myself with people who accept me, my tastes, and views , as I am, without judgement.

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